Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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