So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
