Say something about gay babies.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
