So drunk its hurt
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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