Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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