she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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