Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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