I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
