I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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