ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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