Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
