You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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