I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
