Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
