dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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