You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
she woke up with a sticky ear
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
