Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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