im six kinds of drunk right now
Reggie can tackle my bush.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
