wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
