Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
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I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
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My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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