I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
