the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
