Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
