You're completely useless in the revolution.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
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