I feel like I'm in dance class right now
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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