considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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