So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
