Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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