just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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