They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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