he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
