I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
