I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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