I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
