All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
