why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
