I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
