Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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