thus making me awesome and them whores
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
