I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
