i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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