you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
