the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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