How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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