Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Randomize
