I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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