Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
