Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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