It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
