Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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