Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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