i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
