but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Randomize
