So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
