oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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