She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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