Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
