What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
