Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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