You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I deserve this hangover.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
