my vag is so smooth its legendary
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
My penis needs a shock collar
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
