The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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