His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
