I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Farmville is her only friend.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
