I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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