Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
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Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
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My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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