It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
