I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
