best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
