summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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